A Thousand Ways to Get There
Hello ♡,
I have been driving my youngest daughter across town all week for a new summer camp, and every time I go the maps take me in a new direction.
Living in a large city, the limitless options often feel surprising - like going north instead of south on the same highway I just went south on this morning. When this first happened I felt anxiety in my chest, and double checked the GPS to make sure I had entered the correct address - were there two of the same art centers I just didn’t know about? Am I going the right way?
Assured that the directions were ending in the same location as before, I decided to go with it and trust the navigation. Turn after unexpected turn took me down roads I had never been on, I was surprised each time I came upon a new way. And, I felt the all too familiar anxiety in my chest that is not just reserved for directions but is also reserved for my tendency to want to be sure I am making the exact right decision with each move in my life.
The unpleasant consequence of such rigid concern is the reflective self doubt at each move that perhaps I didn’t make the right decision. Perhaps I made just the slightest wrong move that will have a cascading impact of disaster in my future, or the future of everyone I love. It can feel sometimes like I am walking on a tightrope over a canyon, where any move off the perceived right path will end in disaster. This is no way to live.
As I meandered through the streets of the city in my car following each new turn with curiosity, I felt my chest release as I wondered if perhaps there are a thousand ways to get there. Perhaps if you tallied up all the options of how one could get to a place, you would find that each decision isn’t as as final as we fear. Perhaps we are able to get to a general destination many ways.
The truth is, I might’ve rolled my eyes at this wisdom in my younger years. I might’ve thought it sounded too loose and relaxed to hold truth. But the older I get, and the more decisions I make, and the more people I sit with - I wonder in fact if there might be a thousand (or just a few) ways to get there. I wonder if the ground underneath my feet, as I in faith take each step, is more like a wide path, rather than an anxiety fueled tightrope. Maybe there is more grace and more room than I imagined to be human and move forward toward a destination.
A destination can be many things. There is the destination of being a good enough parent, grandparent, partner, of following a dream, of working for a cause, changing the world in the way you were made to…And, perhaps it isn’t as precarious as a tightrope, but more generous, like the ground, and with options that can lead you to the place you want to go. Maybe it isn’t every tiny decision, but more an intention that directs us. Just like a I had to relax into and trust the navigation leading me to my daughter, I wonder where we can relax into, and trust, the navigation leading us to our bigger destinations.
With you,
Monica
Someone thinks she knows all the correct roads to go down:
In all seriousness, these dogs are healthy and happy and we are so relieved after their health scares.
I love the wisdom your sharing. I definitely think age has a part to play in our perception of things. Also for me recognising the role unhealthy religious ideas gave me about very specific and right ways of thinking and living has been freeing, there is an expansiveness with the grace you allude to here.