A Functional Freeze?
Finding Language and Coping for This Week
Hello ♡,
I have written this newsletter three times this week. Three versions you won’t see. Three different ideas you won’t read. I lamented the wasted time. My husband wisely reminded me it is never a waste. He’s right. But what is it?
The truth is, I am having some trouble creating and concentrating this week.
With the upcoming election, and the things being said, I am distracted.
How about you?
There are many who are really afraid right now. They are afraid of the outcome of the election in the United States next week. And if you are feeling afraid I want to help give you some therapeutic language, and some coping ideas.
You may be familiar with the language of fight or flight. When we are confronted with crisis, danger, or even emotional threat our nervous systems go into fight (attack to get safe), flight (run away to get safe), freeze (become immobilized to get safe), or fawn (become pleasing to get safe). During Covid we saw a lot of people in depressed states that were in a type of freeze. Overwhelmed by the circumstances their bodies were slowing down and getting low to the ground (metaphorically, or literally by staying in bed) to cope.
We are sometimes activated into these types of responses in everyday life too. And we are often activated into these types of responses when we are in extremely stressful circumstances. This is not a normal election. Your body may be responding to this knowing.
There are many who may find themselves in a “functional freeze” state. This is a state in which you may still be functioning in your roles as you normally do but you find yourself more emotionally disconnected, more distracted, more detached. You may have less energy or struggle to stay engaged in a conversation about something mundane that you normally could track with. You might feel “wired and tired” at the same time, like a frustrating hypervigilance. You might feel irritable. You might experience muscle tension or fatigue. This can look different for everyone, and can very in degree.
You might be more in a fight response, in which you practice arguments over and over again in your mind. Your irritability is off the charts and you are one inconvenience, or stubbed toe, away from blowing up on those around you.
And whatever state you find yourself in - some functional version of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn - you are likely feeling anxiety in your body.
The point is that you may be very functional right now but your nervous system may not be in step with your “ordinary” day. It may instead be in a threat state while you go about your day. It is essential to identify this, otherwise you may feel very confused at your lack of motivation and concentration, at your heart palpitations and irritability, or why you just snapped at your loved one.
Your body is trying to cope with distress by shifting into this state. There is nothing wrong with you, it is just your nervous system doing its job.
So, what can you do to help yourself if you identify with some of this? Here are some foundational coping techniques I use in therapy work:
The first thing is vulnerable human connection. Spilling your fear, dread, or hope to someone close to you will help you unlock your freeze state. Let the tears come. Let the things unsaid be said. Text it if you have to. Safe human connection signals quickly to our nervous system we are not alone and begins the defrosting of a freeze state. When you are in a scary situation the first thing you naturally do is look to other humans. Imagine hearing a scary noise in a movie theatre. You don’t look to the door, you look at the person next to you.1 This is a human instinct to coregulate for safety. Break the metaphorical ice with someone close to you. But it can’t be talking about the weather...You have to really name the feelings you are carrying or trying to avoid.
The second thing is to get into your body. What I mean by this is intentional physical activity to ground you into the present moment. Things like yoga, or walking, can be mindful and help you be present. Meditation can work well for this too, even if your mind wanders, because you are intentionally being present. When we are not in physical danger, even though our nervous system is (validly) sensing danger, we come back to our bodies to help signal to our nervous systems that we are safe right now. This is not a toxic positivity and pretending everything is great, it is a type of coping. Right now you are safe. Being in your body helps you access that.
More vigorous physical activity can also help you move out of a functional freeze by helping your body complete a “stress cycle.” We often carry unresolved stress in our body that never gets discharged. Running, for example, can help your body discharge that energy after a stressful moment. When a gazelle escapes a lion it’s body shakes vigorously to discharge the stress it was carrying.2 When my dogs safely get past an aggressive barking dog (their version of a lion) they shake their bodies, jingling their collars, after they have passed. But we often do nothing to let the stress we are experiencing out. Let the stress out by moving it out of your body. Sometimes when I am exercising I will think of the thing upsetting me and tears may flow as I let the stress out.
Finally, learn how to breathe. When our nervous systems are in any type of alarm response, our breathing is impacted. And incredibly, one of the best ways to coax your nervous system back to calm is to breathe with intention. The big secret to breathing is to breathe out longer than you breathe in. That is what signals calm and safety to our bodies. Try it now: Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 6. The most recent research points to a type of breathing called the “physiological sigh” as the most efficient at calming us. It is a pattern of breathing that involves a double inhale, and an extended exhale. (Learn more about it here in this short video. I use this technique all the time, especially before public speaking).
It is often the simplest of things - human connection, moving our bodies, breathing - that help us most. It isn’t flashy, but instead foundational.
When your body is upset, you must speak the language of the body to soothe it.
You need to get into your body in order to find relief. We often ruminate and stay “wired and tired,” over-consuming news (or something else) to try to find soothing relief. But that isn’t where the relief is. Speak to your body in language it understands: in connection, movement, and breathing with intention.
With you, connecting, moving, and breathing,
Monica
Thank you for writing this, especially with the extra focus it must have taken. This confirmed so much of what has been happening in me this election cycle. Keep breathing. Take care of yourself!