We Are "Meaning Makers"

But When We're Hurting, We Often Get the Story Wrong

Hello ♡,

We are “meaning makers.”

We naturally want to make meaning out of things.

Something happens and we ask, why? Sometimes we wonder out loud, What does this mean? Other times we are contemplating this without even realizing it.

This is a beautiful part of being human. We observe our lives, and we tell stories from the events. Poems, books, and songs are written from making meaning out of things.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

However, this beautiful tendency can be tricky when we are hurting and accept an unfair, and unexamined, meaning about that pain. This can happen with traumas and wounds, where we question our choices leading up to the event, or we take on responsibility that isn’t ours. Or we may take on stories about ourselves afterwards, “I am unworthy, I am unlovable.” All of these are meanings we are assigning to our pain.

The thing to note about assigning meaning to painful events? It is usually wrong. And, it usually points to something about our identity. A powerful therapy model, Restoration Therapy, teaches we are always asking two questions in life: Am I loved? and Am I safe? We don’t just observe our lives, we ask questions and we conclude things.

We are not wrong for wanting meaning. But we must understand: when we are in pain, our clarity in meaning making is often incredibly skewed by shame and old shaming narratives. When we hurt, we don’t usually reach for stories about how lovely we are. No, we reach for the false stories about our perceived inadequacies. We are trying to make meaning out of the pain, but we must separate the pain from the incorrect meaning we are assigning.

Let’s say someone calls you a name, or chooses to exclude you coldly from the group. Perhaps you got passed up for the promotion, or you didn’t get the call with good news. In our attempt to make meaning, many of us will turn to question ourselves. “Is it me?”

There is the hurtful thing, or the trauma, and then there is the story we are believing about ourselves in relation to it. These are not the same thing, and need to be separated.

When we are able to name our pain accurately, we are already on our way to also calling out the narrative we have believed about that pain, or about ourselves in relation to that pain.

When we are able to do that, we are already steps closer to separating who we are from those stories. And, steps closer to returning to the truth of who we are.

This is why I am so passionate about the message of my new book (out next week!) Your Pain Has a Name. I lived for years making incorrect meaning out of hard things that happened to me, and that were happening inside of me. This went unchecked for over a decade, and left me ashamed and spiraling often. My pain and trauma were real. My anxiety was real, and produced a lot of suffering. But the stories I was telling myself about it all, and about myself? Not accurate. But I didn’t get to that freeing realization until I found accurate names for my pain.

Naming your pain helps you hear, identify, and refute the false meanings you’ve been believing in relation to your painful experiences.

I want that same freedom for everyone. That’s why I wrote this book. We can’t stop what happens, or happened, to us. But we can interrupt the false meanings that can double our pain.

Let’s do this together.

With you,

Monica

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BIG FUN NEWS!! Free Workshop with Book Preorder!!

Do you want a personalized (and short, let’s be honest we are busy) walk through the book? We created it! Six short videos, with accompanying free downloads to follow along, are HERE! Just go to this link, enter your preorder info, and it will be sent to you all at once!! LINK

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Online Book Event with RevelEleven - May 15th!

RevelEleven is a dynamic community of women who are changing the world through inspiration, information and personal growth. Through our speakers, events, and retreats, we help empower women by starting the conversations that need to happen and fostering a community of love, connection and support.

I hope you can join us!! Here is the link: https://reveleleven.com/your-pain-has-a-name

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LAST Episode of my Special Series with Sarah Bragg about the book is out!

Listen here!