Hello ♡,
We are fresh out of big thunderstorms here in Atlanta where I live. Dramatic rain, trees down, and power outages. We live on a flat lot that then descends quickly behind us to some trees and a little creek. The effect of that is that we are eye level with the trees in the woods behind our house.
The wind was strong during the storms, and I couldn’t quite tell where it was coming from as I looked out the kitchen window. As I was watching the trees, I noticed the impact of the wind in a way I hadn’t before.
I think I always picture wind blowing trees kind of like a cartoon swoop - it comes from one direction and then the trees all kind of bend one way like a synchronized dance. They sway in the same direction, and then come back up to stand. Maybe this is indeed a type of wind interaction with trees, but this is not what this wind did.
I pictured wind as more predictable and directional. This wind created total chaos.
All the green leaves and branches, some big and tall, some smaller and leaner, moved around rapidly in complete and utter chaos. No leaf was going in the same direction it seemed, and all the branches seemed like they were being whipped up and around each other. The branches were slapping one another as the bases of the trees moved too. There was no pattern, no break, and it just kept going - with unpredictable peaks of intensity. It reminded me of a person waving their hands around wildly.
It was interesting to watch from the safety of my kitchen window, but I thought about how it must actually feel to be whipped around like that from every direction with no warning and no promise of an end. It looked stressful for the trees, and it reminded me of what stress can often actually feel like.
We often think of stress from a distance like my cartoon idea of wind swooping trees gracefully to one side: you bend and then stand back up. But the reality is often more like the chaotic whipping around of limbs and leaves, with unpredictable peaks of intensity. It often feels internally like waving your hands around. Stress is when there is too much coming at you, and it whips through you. Some therapists consider stress on the continuum of trauma, noting that it becomes trauma based on the threat level. The point being, stress discombobulates you. And often when we are in it, and we can’t really see it, or really see ourselves in it.
When we are in stress we are the trees being whipped around, and it’s often hard to step outside of that experience to catch your breath and get some perspective and compassion. When I saw those trees I thought of so many stories, lived and heard, of the whirlwind of stress.
And I felt deep compassion watching these trees try to hold their ground literally while the wind threatened their calm.
One of the most basic grounding mental health techniques is to get some distance from your struggle so you remember it is separate from you, and you (and your worth) exist independently of it. Picture now, if comfortable the thing that is really stressing you out. Picture it separate from who you are, as the wind, and it’s impact blowing through your life and limbs. And stop, if comfortable, and with compassion tell yourself how very hard that is to be feeling.
Compassion in and of itself can be the end point of this exercise, because we can all weather more with gentleness rather than rigidity. But compassion also often offers us a chance to hear what we need rather than judge our experiences. So if you are being whipped around by a stressor (or stressors) right now, what might you need? Ideally for the stress to stop I’m sure, but in the absence of that option, what could feel loving, helpful, and kind to yourself?
You are not the wind, it is blowing through you, and yet the impact is very real. Identifying that impact, perhaps in a new way will help you have compassion for yourself. Stand outside yourself and observe the wind. You deserve that care and kindness, and that will help lead you to what you need until it is calm again.
With you,
Monica
Amazing. The storms were indeed tough and blinding and threatening. You are so right that stress is the same. The clarity of this analogy is bold and a breakthrough, I think. 👏
stress tends to discombobulate you, but you can try to stand outside, observe the wind and know there will be an end to it !!