Soaking Time: Therapy Notes (Pt. 10)
How to Support Change
Hello ♡,
We have reached the last entry for the Therapy Notes series. I’m sad to see it go, but I’m sure I will return to it another time. I want to pass along one last thing I often tell clients: Soak yourself in what is good, true, transformative, and different than your past (if your past has created difficulties and pain for you). I often describe your upbringing like a marinade. You absorb some things but it will not change your essence. This marinade goes for social groups, cultures, etc. Soaking is taking this idea and providing yourself with a new curated marinade.
I sometimes lament the limitations of therapy, even excellent therapy, for producing change. There just isn’t enough time is a session to rewire your thinking. This is where soaking comes in. Think about it like this: you spent __ many years influenced by whatever thought process, internal belief system about yourself, family culture, criticisms, shaming narratives, or larger culture you have been exposed to. No matter how young you are in adult therapy, this is quite a lot of time, and many years hearing, and perhaps believing, the same things.
And then you want to change.
You have an epiphany and realize you can believe something new, true, healing, and loving about yourself. You realize you have the right to say no to people. You realize the things you thought are your fault aren’t, and the things you thought you were powerless to change you actually can change. You encounter hope: to understand yourself more, to be different, feel different, take care of yourself more, and love yourself and those around you differently.
And then you march out into your life expecting the change to automatically stick.
But it is a matter of ratio of exposure at this time. The amount of exposure you have had externally and internally to your old ways of doing/being/thinking is often not working in your favor. Until you add in some more good.
I recommend clients begin to soak in different ways of thinking, ones that are more healthy for them, and that teach about mental health, in order to begin to shift this balance. I recommend they read (or my personal favorite listen to) books by authors that will support their mental health and boundaries. I recommend they listen to podcasts focused on what they are facing. I recommend they find in-real-life, or online, support groups that really understand what they are going through so they don’t feel alone. I recommend they talk more to that one person who is really safe, kind, and has good boundaries. I recommend they soak in the new and good.
And so I thought to wrap up this series I would offer this reminder, that is truly accessible to all of us right now. Whether you check out a book from a library, or borrow from someone, we can access this. And that gives me a lot of hope. I have had countless clients come back to session lit up, excited, or teaching me about what they are learning. It is awesome. Let’s soak in good things for our mental health. This is an invaluable add to any therapeutic journey, or any journey to healing.
Here a list of some of my favorite soaking books, and ones I often recommend. If you read a lot of therapy stuff you may know these. But if you don’t (yet!), I hope this list can be helpful. These are in no particular order except my memory. I am linking Amazon so they are easy for you to read about. If you prefer to support small business book stores, please do!
Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie
The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brené Brown
I Thought it Was Just Me, by Brené Brown
Daring Greatly, by Brené Brown
Braving the Wilderness, by Brené Brown
The Highly Sensitive Person, by Elaine Aron
Will I Ever be Good Enough? By Karyl McBride
Falling Upwards, by Richard Rohr
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parent, by Lindsay Gibson
The Whole Brained Child, by Dan Siegel
Parenting From the Inside Out, by Dan Siegel
What Happened to You, by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk
The Wisdom of Your Body, by Hilary McBride
Emotional Agility, by Susan David
Emotional Inheritance, by Gailit Atlas
No Bad Parts, Richard Schwartz
Burn Out, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
Set Boundaries, Find Peace, by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Attached, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Waking the Tiger, Peter Levine
Becoming Attached, Robert Karen
I know I will remember more as soon as I press send, but these are what my mind retrieved today.
What I love about the idea of soaking is that it is accessible to all of us at any time.
It can come in many forms.
And it is a gentle approach to change. You soak, absorb, learn and grow.
You also recover.
After a particularly hard few months during the Covid-19 pandemic, I put myself into what I called “soul recovery.” I was burnt out. I listened to certain books and podcasts to help me recover intentionally every day as I went for a walk. The soaking helped me fill back up where I felt depleted.
So whether you need your own soul recovery, a fresh perspective, or research based wisdom to support your healing journey, I hope you can find some here or on your own.
With you,
Monica
We are currently in a Series called Therapy Notes: Small Bits of Wisdom From Inside the Room: (This is the last entry for this series)
This series will offer insights I wish I could pass out for free (here goes), things that help me in my life, and certainly things I wish I’d known before I became a therapist. Scroll back through all of them if you are new here!
Therapy is both an art form and a collection of knowledge. Much of this knowledge is gleaned from the clinical research that informs the science of the field. However, the kitchen table version, simplified down to accessible takeaways, is where I see the most effective help. I hope this series will offer some wisdom from the practice of therapy. My own definition of wisdom is: knowledge you can actually use.
I will soak in the new and good ! And I will miss your inputs and advise !!! Thank you !!!