Hello ♡,
There is great power in simplicity, in insight that’s distilled to its essence. I think about it a lot as a therapist because I find myself giving annoyingly simple recommendations to clients at times. However, oversimplification—paring something deeply complex (like a human or a story) down to a summary statement—is also something I often find myself undoing in therapy.
It’s essential that we rely on simple truths, but it’s dangerous to oversimplify ourselves or each other.
A simple truth is often not flashy or fancy, but more annoyingly accurate. We’re often disappointed when the simplest truths are the ones we need. Over the years as a therapist, I have found myself many times having to remind clients of simple practices that are just not that exciting. I often say something like, “I know you already know this,” before delivering the obvious. Sometimes we really hope that the answer we are looking for is new and undiscovered, and it can be a let down to hear things like, “set a routine, go to bed earlier, hydrate, move your body every day.”
But the good news is that the simplest truths are often the most accessible, and it’s waiting there for us as we pass by them looking for something more exciting to help us. Simple truths help form the foundation for a life well lived and help us maintain our mental health. And, when we get lost, whether inside our own struggle, or in what is happening in the world, it's the simple truths that will lead us back, like metaphorical bread crumbs, to the places where we find ourselves again.
Some of the most important simple truths I have found that are essential to our well being involve our relationship to ourselves and to others. It’s really hard to feel good when you are not caring for yourself. It’s really hard to feel good when you don’t have good boundaries with others. My favorites: Rest as much as you can, especially when in a stretching season. Move your body on a regular basis to work out stress if you’re able. Validate your experience. Honor your own needs, say no as often as you need to, say yes only when you mean it, and prioritize emotionally safe relationships.
And yet, as much as I rely on simple truths as bedrock for a grounded life, I also cringe when I see the complexity of a life or a struggle itself oversimplified. Oftentimes whether on social media, or just in interpersonal relationships, someone will find a solution to a problem they’ve faced, and then generalize the application of that solution to everyone without taking into account unique contexts, histories, or privileges. And this is not only inaccurate, it’s harmful. Taking a simple idea, hack, or “quick way to get rid of anxiety,” is often pursued by people that are hurting in some way.
We look for solutions when we are in need. And when a solve is oversimplified, or an issue is paired down to an easy 1-2-3 set of steps, there will inevitably be hurting people who try it without it working. And that is where the “simplicity” can become harmful. When someone who is in need reaches out to try something someone swears is easy and infallible, and it doesn’t work for them, guess what happens next? The person often feels like a failure, or that something is wrong with them, because it’s supposed to work—but it didn’t work for them. The truth is that the complexity of what anyone is facing cannot be reduced to a simple solution. It may sell a lot or get a lot of followers on social media, but it can leave people feeling more in need and losing hope. I’ve sat with many people who have been hurt by someone oversimplifying their struggle or experience. It adds shame onto an already heavy load.
So simplicity, and simple truths, are a double edged sword. The simplest of things are annoyingly needed to help us each day, and can be grounding when we are overwhelmed. But, we are also each beautifully complex. And oversimplifying what we are going through to a quick summary, generalization, or easy solution doesn’t honor that complexity.
May you find what you need in the simple truths, and may you honor your complexity by not allowing your story, your day, or your experiences to be oversimplified.
With you,
Monica
So clear now that I have read this - yet not obvious unless we think it through as you have helped us to do with your descriptions and examples. I have learned a lot here- about recommendations I receive and recommendations I give to others. ❤️