Hello ♡,
On the way to school recently, my son told me he’d dreamed about running facing backwards in a track meet when everyone else was running facing forwards. He was faced the wrong way, but running as fast as he could. This was not a dream with a victory. He finished last.
Yes I get that, I thought.
That is how I feel lately in my creative work. I am working as hard as I can and some things are just not moving forward. They are out of my control. Everyone else seems to be running more efficiently, and well, facing forwards. Meanwhile, I feel like I am trying to keep up, running as fast as I can. But running backwards is just not the same as running forwards. You just can’t go as fast.
Yesterday, as I was pondering this newsletter, I sat in line at the gas pump waiting for my turn. The woman in front of me put the gas nozzle in her car and ran into the store. She came back, jumped into her car, and drove off. She seemed happy and ready to take on the day. I watched in surprise as the gas nozzle, still in her car and attached to the rubber hose, went with her. The rubber hose was stretched as far as it could go until it snapped off the gas pump. The nozzle ricocheted out of her car and flew dramatically into the air, hose flapping wildly until it landed on the ground. She stopped and reversed her car back to where she’d started.
Same, I thought.
I am feeling about that efficient, and like I am making that little progress lately. I am trying to move forward with things popping off and flying into the air, forcing me to put my car in reverse. It is out of my control, and it is frustrating.
So how about you? Is there an area, or relationship, or situation where you feel like you are running facing backwards? You are working as hard as you can but the progress feels slow, stalled, or non-existent? You are working towards clarity, towards change, or towards a goal and it always seems just out of reach…
I have an idea for us today. It has three steps: Cuss, Trust, Keep Going.
Cuss:
Ok, you don’t have to use “bad words” if you don’t want. But if you do? Please, let it rip. Your frustration is valid. Give yourself permission to be discouraged, disappointed, and mad. Your anger is a sign of how much you care. Whatever it is for you, I imagine the intensity of your feelings matches the intensity of your care. I admire people who care. It takes courage. I admire you for that. Let it out. Validate yourself. Validation is always the best place to start.
Trust:
Whether you identify with a spiritual practice or not, this is an important next step. For me the great exhale comes in praying and trusting God. Do not mistake this for invalidating my feelings I am cussing about. It is an embrace for the frustrated parts of myself. It is belief in something greater than me.
And the trust is also a self-trust. Trust yourself. Bet on you. Believe in your efforts, your vision, your hope, your stick-to-it-ness, and your heart. Trust you even if it the path is lonely. Lonely doesn’t mean it is wrong. It just means you are on a part of your journey that you must continue through without many companions.
Keep Going:
When you care about something enough to be upset, it may not be the time to give up. I am a big supporter of healthy quitting. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. But if you care enough to cuss, and you really trust yourself, you may find yourself in a place where you need to keep going. Stay the course. Breakthroughs don’t announce themselves ahead of time. “When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before.”— Jacob Riis
My son did cross the finish line in his dream. He was just last. But it still happened. The lady at the gas station continued on with her day, free from the surprise unwanted mess of leaving the nozzle in her car. I won’t promise you that you’ll get what you are running facing backwards towards. But I am confident you, and that thing, are worth the effort. And wherever you get will be closer to where you wanted to be than giving up will get you.
With you,
Monica
I am so excited to have author Sarah Bragg back on the Still Becoming podcast. Sarah is as kind as she is wise. She's as easy to talk to as she is insightful. I loved this conversation with Sarah, and I think you will too. If you feel stuck, weary, or wonder if everyone else is happier than you - than this is a conversation to spend time with. Sarah points us towards the grounding truths of curiosity and taking note of our lives, the combination can create a shift.
Sarah Bragg is a well-loved communicator and author; you can find her hosting the popular podcast Surviving Sarah. Her latest book is Is Everyone Happier Than Me?: An Honest Guide to the Questions that Keep You Up at Night. She is also the author of A Mother’s Guide to Raising Herself: What Parenting Taught Me About Life, Faith and Myself. She is a wife, mother of girls, and a creative entrepreneur. Sarah is a master at brewing coffee and helping others survive well right where they are. Sarah and her family reside in Tennessee.
Social Media: Website: sarahbragg.com
Facebook: @survivingsarahpodcast
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Feeling this with regard to a couple of health situations I’ve been dealing with for several months now. I keep being reminded to trust God and his timing, to surrender to his care, rather than the despair of will this ever change.
Thank you for sharing your struggles, Monica! You’re right that we wouldn’t keep pushing and fighting if it didn’t matter to us! With you 💖
Beautiful and so inspiring.... I have often been running facing backwards lately.. Your advice is very helpful !! Thank you!!