Internal Boundaries
Gently Close the Door, Return Tomorrow
Hello ♡,
When I close the door to my bedroom at the end of a long day, I imagine I’m closing the door on my day.
The things I’m responsible for, working on, and worrying about, I lovingly leave on the other side of the door to be picked up the following day.
Tomorrow will have to take care of itself. I am done for now.
This is all a lot out here. That’s why I want to share today about the importance of shutting the door internally, quitting for a night, and accepting your limitations.
Most of us are familiar with the importance of external boundaries—the differentiation between you and someone else, the delineation of what is yours to carry and what is not. But what about our internal world? We’re drawing (or not drawing) boundaries in our own minds all the time with what we choose to focus on, think about, or ruminate on.
Our thoughts about the world can feel like water, filling every crack and opening in our minds. Water rushes into any open space, and so it is with our worries. Without realizing it, while our bodies may leave the world behind, our minds may still be there.
But how do we genuinely care about the world, and still take care of our mental health?
My work as a therapist requires I be present with my whole self. It’s critical that I form authentic and genuine connections with my clients. It’s essential I care. And yet, for therapy to work, I have to leave that part of myself in the office and resume my own life when I leave. I’m trained to enter into the sacred places of pain, struggle and hope for each client, and then to exit. And I find this works well when you are worried about the state of the world too.
You don’t have to harden your heart to survive. But you do need to accept your limitations and close the door regularly. You do have to go home to yourself. You do need internal boundaries for your thoughts and worries.
I have a door in my mind to separate myself from what I do, see, read, or worry about during the day. The reality is, when I’m stuck in rumination, I’m no longer being productive. And I am certainly not helping anyone. Everything in the world is important, and I’m not abandoning it. Instead, I’m creating a space to rest until I can return to it later. It’s a huge relief to say to a thought or concern, “I see you, and I will return to you tomorrow, but not tonight.”
I am no good to anyone if I am not good to myself. If I’m not able to unplug and to accept my limitations, I’ll wipe myself out. Setting internal boundaries means accepting those limitations, and honoring the needs of the world by also honoring my own.
Boundaries are not just for people - they’re also for our worries, cares, and responsibilities.
Maintaining internal boundaries, or closing the door on a worry, is a practice. And like anything else, we get better at it the more we do it. When we regularly practice closing the door in here on everything out there, we get better at resting, quitting for a night, and accepting our limitations. This allows us to breathe and start over again. And a fresh version of ourselves the next day? That is one of the best gifts we can give the world.
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” - Anne Lamott
With you,
Monica
New! Still Becoming Episode 135
Conversation with Sarah E. Westfall: The Way of Belonging
I am so excited to have author Sarah E. Westfall on the Still Becoming Podcast. In this interview Sarah invites her into her unique lens on the topic of belonging. We discuss the common longing to belong, the desire for "withness," and my favorite part of her book and this conversation: "Belonging is not something to attain, but someone to become."
This is a tender and insightful conversation. We touch faith, grief, God seeing us, and belonging. I can't wait for you to hear this interview!
Sarah E. Westfall is a writer, speaker, and host of the Human Together podcast. Her previous work includes serving as director of community for online writing groups and as a student development professional on college campuses. She has been published in RELEVANT, Fathom Mag, and (in)courage. Sarah lives in Indiana with her husband, Ben, and four sons.
Visit her website at sarahewestfall.com.
Follow her on Twitter: @sarah_westfall
Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarah_westfall