"I'm So Glad I Didn't Give Up"

And Thank You

Hello ♡,

“I’m so glad I didn’t give up,” is what I told a few of my closest friends as I shared the news of receiving multiple offers from publishers for book contracts these past few weeks.

My dream, that I set out to accomplish years ago, is finally here. I can hardly believe it. And I realize being this honest about the good news is not “what we do” in many cultures, but I refuse to be only vulnerable with the hard things. I will be vulnerable with the good too, and I invite you to do the same. I would’ve been happy with one offer, ridiculously happy honestly, but multiple publisher offers has me really reflective. Not like jump up and down reflective, but like, “Wow, I was so close to quitting so many times, what if I had?”

And since you are the place I share the most news and thoughts with, I wanted to tell you first. This book - the one I have been writing in my mind for years, the one I want to write for all of us, is going to truly happen, and I have many to thank for it, including you.

I almost gave up, so very many times.

When you are constructing something no one else can see yet you may feel equal parts foolish and equal parts brave. The bravery is required to try anything we want to do, make, heal, believe, start that we can’t see. And the foolish feeling, or the blind belief that it could happen, is required to put that bravery into action. You are making the road as you go, not following one. And well, it can feel embarrassing to be laying stones down, one in front of the other, without the destination in site for anyone. Am I an idiot? Or is this a calling? Honestly, some days I didn’t know.

But this book, born out of my own pain and my work with others, is beginning its way into the world with a big burst of interest and meaningful conversations, and I couldn’t be more astounded and grateful.

And I wonder 2 things:

What are you believing and working towards?

And who have you been to someone else along their own journey?

As the thing I have been praying and working towards has finally arrived, I think about the reasons I didn’t give up: God and the people who have spoken into me. I am not a big partaker in formal groups to accomplish a goal, I just am not made that way, but the people that kept me going are numerous.

My husband always told me to keep going. Over and over, and every time I once again suggested I quit, he quietly said, “keep going.” And he has always made me feel like I was special, even when no one else cared. Becky, my actual brain and heart twin, held my heart and hope for me when I broke down crying and told her I was quitting - she told me she knew this book would happen, and I went on her faith after a big rejection. (Becky’s mom also bought Postcards for Adulthood for all her friends and family). Katie, ever the steady optimist to my steady cynicism, made me feel like I was brilliant and could change the world in our everyday constant conversations, and made a safe place for me to believe in myself too. My friend Patty, sees me and my heart in a way that makes me feel like I am made to do something that matters, and made me feel like my voice actually matters, so I listened to her and shared it more. Tasha, my deep well friend, and Becky, listened to my first chapter as I cried through reading it to them. Mazi is the first person I saw being brave up close, and the person I shared all my tiny ideas with before they were planted, and she made me feel like I had something interesting to say, patiently listening to my ideas. My mom always told me I should be a writer, and my dad was convinced I should be president - what once felt like pressure, I pulled on as an adult as self-belief. (My mom bought my little book Postcards for Adulthood for everyone in the US and Spain.) My sister Kelli and brother Michael, always asking, when no one else did, about what I was making, how I was feeling. My sister Kelly for telling me what my words meant to her. My friend Cha promised me the rejection I ran into was because they were too small to see me, and for telling me each time my words meant something to her. My friend Candace told me to start with just one thing when I was beginning, she was right. My friend Kalpana, for cheering me on over and over again. My literary agent Keely, for being such a steady hand and voice, and taking a chance on me. My friend Chinwé for generously introducing me to Keely. Every single online reader (hi Heather!), comment, my mom’s neighbor Ms. Elaine, my cousins in Spain, readers I run into in unexpected places out in the world, and so many more I cannot list here - each encouragement of what a podcast episode, meditation, Instagram post, email, or article meant to you - was a deposit. Thank you. It was a deposit you made in my soul as I created that reminded me why I was doing all of this, reminded me of the pull on my heart to do this work in the world:

I never want anyone to feel as alone in the world as I did when I was at my lowest. I wanted each word I share to be me putting my hand in someone else’s and saying, you are not alone, and let’s look at this together. And I hope I have done that, and now I have an opportunity to do that even more.

So thank you, for keeping me going.

And so I wonder these two things for you today too -

What are you believing/waiting/hoping/trying for? Don’t “quit before the miracle.” And as my friend Patty reminded me, and I will remind you today: You are worthy. You are worthy of whatever it is.

And, who have you deposited into that you don’t even realize? Whose miracle are you apart of? (You are a part of mine). And whose miracle can we deposit into today? Do not underestimate the good you can do with one kind word, I remember each one, and I know I am not alone in that. And they were all so generous, just lovingly generous. We can all be a little more of that with one another.

So, this is me not only thanking you, but cheering you on in whatever it is for you. And, reminding all of us that we can today, in a tiny way, be a part of someone else’s miracle, or at least helping them to not quit before it arrives.

I believe in you, thank you for believing in me.

I am grateful for each of you,

Monica

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