I Don't Like Sitting In My Feelings Either

Hello♡,

There is a freedom in learning to allow all of your feelings to be, a knowledge we can’t access otherwise. As a practicing therapist I feel an expectation that I am supposed to be ok with sitting in my feelings—but the truth is I can’t stand it.

I would rather go out, over, around, above, below, or completely numb than go through my feelings.

Just because we know something is good for us, doesn’t mean it comes naturally or that we welcome it. Knowledge doesn’t inoculate us from the human experience of wanting to avoid discomfort. 

I’ve made some of the biggest mistakes of my relational life when I moved too quickly on a decision or a response because I believed I couldn’t tolerate the feelings I found myself sitting in.

I'm anxious someone will be upset with me, so I say yes when I really mean no. I feel lonely, so I make plans I don’t actually want to do. I'm angry, so I eject that anger onto someone else with a rude comment and tone. I’m scared I’ll fail, so I avoid doing what I need to do. Yes, my behaviors created the problems, but it was my inability to tolerate discomfort that prompted me to choose those behaviors. 

It’s scary to sit in your feelings because sometimes it feels like they will never end. We fear we’ll be stuck in them forever, like the top of the scariest part of a roller coaster. But here is what I do know for sure from my work as a therapist: Feelings always move, and we'll always move through them.  Feelings are not a permanent state, and when we begin to understand that, our emotions feel less overwhelming.

I sit with so many people people as they move through their scary feelings. At times it's almost like you can feel the intensity of the feeling fill the room, and we stay with the discomfort together. They bravely face, feel, and name what they have perhaps not named or felt before. And what I find is that the intensity of the feelings eventually always lessen, there is often great relief at having allowed these feelings, and usually there is new insight about themselves, their interior world, or their next steps, that they couldn’t have learned in avoiding their feelings. 

I don’t like sitting in my feelings either, but I find I usually like the decisions I make after doing that much more than the rushed decisions I make avoiding my feelings.

We often meet ourselves there, hearing the stories we have been avoiding as we feel what we’ve been trying not to feel. And God is big enough to meet us there, to hold it all, and to hold us as we move through it.

Feeling my feelings with you,

Monica

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Things to Share…

November 17th at 12 pm EST, one hour! Online!

I am co-leading a workshop for parents! Sign up here!

The Pressure of Being a Parent: Finding your Peace in Chaos:

In the everyday grind of parenting you can get lost in the to-do list. This workshop guides you in defining your values, priorities and what's truly important to you as a parent. The pressures around being a parent feel endless. School, sports, meals, activities, social life all while trying to stay present, connected and in tune with your child can feel like an impossible task.

I know you really care about being a good mom/dad/caregiver but it's easy to get consumed in the chaos of the everyday hustle and bustle. I’m a mom too and I’ve been there. In this workshop we'll walk you through becoming the parent you want to be.

Here’s What You’ll Learn:

• Setting boundaries with yourself and others

• Processing and releasing parental guilt

• Defining your values as a parent

• A deeper understanding of why parenting feels chaotic and how to release pressure to DO more.

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New Still Becoming Interview with Dr. Alison Cook. This conversation will be very helpful if you have struggled to identify what you want, to understand codependency, or are curious about how to be yourself in relationships. Find more about Dr. Alison Cook here.