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And Revisiting an Early Reflection
Hello♡, (this newsletter is delayed because I wanted to release a personal podcast episode about turning in my manuscript with it, but ran into publication glitches - all fixed now).
I once heard a fascinating discussion about art - I can’t remember where so I can’t properly cite it. But the discussion was from two points of view: one stated that art exists just for the creator, no audience is ever needed. The other argument stated that art cannot exist without an audience - it is the interaction of an audience that creates the concept of art. In classic me fashion I think both arguments are true - depending on the type of art. Which leads me to this book - the book that I just turned in!! It is finished, in the hands of the publisher for editing.
Writing this book, in isolation only for myself, is just not the point. There are artistic things that can be done alone that can be quite therapeutic. I have found writing to be artistic and therapeutic, and it is for me of course on some levels, and yet still it is for readers - for you. It is also for younger me who never understood parts of her own story, and for younger versions of anyone else who can on some level relate to that idea, or wants to understand more about their story. It is for current us, and future us. It is for people that are hurting, people that feel alone in their hurt, and people who are just curious about learning more about why they feel the way they feel.
And this is where I get to the gratitude part of this newsletter. Your connection here - by just reading or clicking open, means so much. Or by replying, or commenting, or telling me in some way what something meant to you. It has all mattered greatly to me. And I am so grateful.
Pics from submitting the manuscript. Not my favorite picture of me, but it is really real. It was a crawl at the end, with all the different life dynamics also still at play - they don’t stop just because you have a deadline right?
I was thinking this week about one of the first things I ever got published - here is an article on worth and work I wrote years ago. And it was part of my journey to here, and it very much still is. As I said in my last newsletter, Keep Going, whatever it is, even if you feel like you are in the wrong gear. And, you are worthy no matter the outcomes, that is never in question:
Worth and Work
I was driving home contemplating something that wasn’t as successful as I had hoped it would be. Worth separate from work I tried to remind myself. Meaning that my worth, and how I feel about myself on this particular day when I am tired and discouraged about something I was working on, was separate from the thing I was working on. It is so subtle when we mix the two up. Like folding flour into batter, it starts slowly and looks like the two would never merge into one, and then the flour is gone, immersed in the more liquid batter. So it can be with our worth when we mix it with what we do, we lose our sense of self in our product, in our outcome. And when that outcome is going just as we’d hoped, this fusion of identity and work doesn’t feel so bad, we can almost start to believe it is ok. But when the work falters, or we get responses we didn’t plan for, or we fail, that fusion of our worth and our work crashes over us, leaving us feeling hollowed out.
I pulled into the neighborhood and I thought about a friend’s funeral I had been to many years before. A tragic sudden loss, no one could have prepared for, something that just shouldn’t have happened. At that funeral I remember being struck that no one, not any of the grief stricken people who loved this person got up to that microphone and spoke about the work this person did - which was by earthly standards quite impressive. Not one. There was no mention of any of it. Instead how this person made everyone feel, the impact this person left in each life relationally was praised, mourned, laughed about over and over and over. There was no confusion at the end, no immersion of worth into work. Just worth, just who this person was to their people.
I pulled into the driveway to three sweaty kids with paper cups, a sticky card table, and kid sized chairs strewn about. Everything and everyone was tired and sticky. Colorful straws placed thoughtfully into a little mug, a carefully hand drawn Lemonade Stand sign, now discarded on the dirty ground with drips running down and through the marker drawings of lemons and and ice cubes. “We only sold one cup. One cup! All day!” they told me.
“That’s ok,” I told them as I pulled each of their sweaty heads close for a hug. “That’s ok,” I told myself internally laying down my perceived failure I had mulled over all the way home. Their failure that day looked messy and small and had nothing to do with the worth their mom sees in them, of course it didn’t. What a ridiculous notion that it even would. And so the same with me, I quietly reminded myself as I put my arm around the oldest one, the youngest one scurrying next to us, and we walked into the house. Leaving our messes and failures, far from our worth, strewn out behind us. Grateful for another chance to remember what I had learned at that funeral, no one will remember our work or failures like they will our presence and our love.
It has been a long road to here. Remembering to keep going, however slowly, and that our work can never touch our worth.
With you,
Monica
Book News!!
Ok, I kind of already told you the news, it is FINISHED!!! I am currently drafting a SUPER long email for the marketing team about my ideas. They said they would love to hear them, I hope they meant it lol. It’s a lot. They all seem so brilliant and I think a team that wants to know your ideas is my kind of team, can’t wait for the next steps with them. Another next step will be getting the edits back on my book! My editor told me, “that is where the real writing begins.” OMG. I don’t even know how to process that, I will keep you posted.
New Still Becoming Podcast Episode!
Episode 121 - Mental Health Check-In: Thoughts on Pursuing Something That Matters to You
Read about this personal one below!
We're back with a new Mental Health Check-In Episode! This one is vulnerable, and not without purpose, I am talking all about the inside story of turning in my book manuscript. I have benefited so much from hearing the true awkward and detailed stories of people pursuing things that mattered to them - and as I just turned in my book manuscript this week (yay!), I wanted to share some of the truth of this journey in hopes that it can encourage you today on whatever journey you are on, in whatever you might be pursuing.
In this short episode, in addition to the details of my story, we talk about the idea of "staying on the bike, even in the wrong gear." Sometimes the gear you are in is the only one possible, and if you are pedaling at all you are still moving forward. We talk about how courage feels different than it looks (credit to Cha Barefield), and how remembering your "WHY" is essential.
I hope this vulnerable share is encouraging to you. Though the specifics may be different, I hope you find encouragement for whatever matters to you - and keep going no matter the pace.
Out of Office!
It is Fall Break for my kids next week, so I will be out of office in regards to clinical work, writing, and podcasting! Back the week of October 16.
Congrats on finishing the book!
Not one person talked about your friend’s work. Thank god! The time we waste beating ourselves down over all our woulda, coulda, shouldas 🤦🏾♀️. This is great reminder. Thank you.