What If We Stop Trying SO Hard? ❤️
Hello ♡,
I'll tell you a therapist secret:
Sometimes we have to level with ourselves and admit that we are trying harder than the client we are working with. This doesn't happen often, and it isn't even a criticism of the client. It's just that it doesn't work. You can't try harder than your client. It's an equation that will not produce growth for the client and it can cause burnout for a therapist. You can't do someone else's work for them, not even as a therapist.
I've realized not only can I not do someone else's work for them, but I also can't make things happen that are out of my control. I've been leveling with myself about this tendency in other arenas, and I'm calling myself out (with love) for trying too hard. Maybe you can relate?
We may try harder than our kids to keep their rooms clean.
We may try hard to help God make something happen.
We may try hard to make a person someone they're just not.
We may try hard to make two people in our circle closer.
We may try hard to be what everyone wants us to be.
We may try hard to create an opportunity.
We may try hard to___________(fill in the blank).
IT IS EXHAUSTING. And it doesn't work. So I've decided I'm done trying. Like really done.
Because the thing is, when we're trying so hard to make something happen that is out of our control, we're also setting ourselves up for feeling like a failure if that thing doesn't happen. And maybe we had less control than we thought?
There are big things I want to happen in my work, and I've found myself spinning my wheels in metaphorical mud, unable to make them happen. They're truly out of my control.
But what is in our control?
PRACTICE.
Simply to practice what we believe, what we want, who we are, or who we want to be.
There is beauty and relief in practicing instead of trying.
Practice is a completely different way of approaching yourself, your growth and your life. Practice gives you permission to be free of the pressure to create a certain outcome. While trying can appear to be same as practice, it's much more tied up in the performance. It's tied up in the pressure to make something happen—something that's often beyond our control.
You can faithfully practice. And that is something to be proud of.
Practice showing up.
Practice being present.
Practice letting go.
Practice learning a new thing.
Practice being a safe space.
Practice feeding your body well.
Practice honoring your dreams with small actions.
Practice setting hew boundaries.
Practice forgiveness (of self and others).
Practice acceptance.
Practice honoring your limits.
Practice resting (without earning it).
Practice being faithful without controlling the outcome.
And so on...
The outcome may be out of your control, but the practice is not.
We can just practice.
(And practice goes very well with trust - a topic we will dive into next time.)
With love and practice,
Monica
Recent Episodes:
Episode 101-
Mental Health Check-In Episode:
𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠
𝘌𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘥𝘦 101
26 min
The response to my last newsletter was the biggest response I have gotten on one single topic - and it was about how our interpretation of something we experience impacts everything. So I thought it would be a good idea to make an episode on it for us to continue the discussion!
This episode we are talking about the idea of: Interpretation is Everything. This is taking the idea of how much an interpretation impacts not only our experience and healing from any kind of traumatic event - but also small everyday moments. Our interpretation of ourselves and our experiences, and our journey towards healing will all be impacted by this lens. We will discuss this in big ways and small everyday moments - a lot of therapeutic knowledge can be distilled down to accessible everyday wisdom.
Finally,
"Practice is everything. This is often misquoted as practice makes perfect."
- Periander
and
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
- Thomas A. Edison
PS - An important next step for publishers to consider the book I'm writing is to have a substantial email subscription list. This, thank goodness, has become my favorite way to connect and serve with the work I do creatively. But I need your help: If this newsletter is meaningful to you can you point people you know to subscribing to it also? Here's the link. You can just copy and paste to share it. Thank you so much. ❤️