Simple Instructions if You're Feeling A Lot 💔
Hi,
Maybe you are having a lot of feelings right now. You are not alone.
I find sometimes that starting with something simple can be grounding when we are swirling.
Let's look at some simple steps to ground us in the overwhelm:
First, validate and accept your feelings.
Next, understand what narrative or messages it might be triggering in you.
Finally, have compassion for all of that.
REPEAT as needed.
When I start any therapy session, I always want to start in the same place: validation. If you were to say to me that you are afraid right now or grieving and angry about how groups of people are treated in the world and this country - I would say to you that I think that seems like a very rational response to awful things.
It's ok to feel afraid, overwhelmed, sad, angry, or helpless. It makes sense. The problems are the problem, not your feelings.
We are often so hard on ourselves about how we feel. And the tricky part is, when we try to deny how we are feeling then it leaks out in other ways…irritability, exhaustion, judgment, overwhelm.
When we don’t acknowledge a hard feeling we are having, we actually double our pain. See now we have the actual feeling, for example fear, and then the denial of it, which may look like bottling. And bottling often ends in exploding. Or we might be shaming and judging ourselves for it, which leads us to feeling bad and down.
You also might be someone wired for anxiety, or a highly sensitive person. And, if so - you might feel all of it more. So titrate your care of your self to the amount you feel. (If you typically feel more, then intentionally care for yourself in that more).
Finally, what have you believed or been taught about big feelings. Is it “weak?” Is it "dramatic?"
Naming what you’ve believed will help you to see where you might be being too hard on yourself.
Now that you are accepting your fear or worry, and understanding the context, let’s practice self compassion. Self compassion is not just a nice idea. Or some fuzzy fluffy concept. It is necessary for your mental health.
Breathe out any judgment of how we feel. And let’s breathe in acceptance. It is perfectly fine to feel this. You make sense. Big things mean big feelings.
❤️, Monica
A couple more quick resources:
I created a short video for Instagram about what not to do during times you're feeling overwhelmed.
Listen here to more about this idea in relation to fear from my Mental Health Check-In Episode in July 2020:
Simple Instructions if You're Feeling Afraid
I am looking forward to this "fireside chat: with Revel Eleven.
It's online (free :), and you can come too if you want!
Still Becoming: A Reflection on Identity
Thursday, March 17, 2022
8:00 AM - 9:00 AM PST
"Ready to shed those old narratives to make more space for who you are becoming today? Join us and Monica DiCristina as we explore our identities outside of our roles and relationships at any age or stage.
Monica DiCristina is a Licensed Professional Counselor and host of the podcast Still Becoming. She inspires and helps individuals of all ages process difficult experiences and bring healing into their relationships with self and others, as well as establish boundaries both externally and internally. Through her podcast, writing, speaking, and counseling work, Monica carries out her heartfelt mission to collaborate with others in their process of healing, hope, and becoming.
Monica joins us on March 17 to help us dig deep and heal – you don’t want to miss this."
Recent Episodes:
Episode 98 - New Episode: Mental Health Check-In: "Practicing Calm"
From one naturally not calm person - to perhaps anyone else who can relate?😅
This month we are talking about the idea of practicing calm. I first heard Brené Brown put the words "practice" and "calm" together, and it really resonated with me as a person and as a therapist. I am not a naturally calm person, and practicing calm is very accessible language for what it really looks like to make space in the moment - and in our lives - to choose an emotional response we want over a flooded reaction. I have included some personal and professional thoughts in this episode, with a short experiential moment at the end to practice calm.
A few things I am loving and learning:
This HerStory Podcast Series: A Tribute to Black Motherhood, a collaboration between Marcie Alvis-Walker and Andrea Kingsley Miller (I wrote about this series last February too, this year the focus is on Black Motherhood). Marcie Alvis Walker says in one of the episodes that everyone in the US should listen to this, and I couldn't agree more. (Trigger Warning - true history of violence against Black women and men is included in these episodes).
Marcie Alvis-Walker also creates Mockingbird History Lessons, I subscribe and recommend it.
BOOKS!
"Good Enough", By Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie - a realistic, non performative, no pressure, devotional. I thought as I opened it: Wow. Thank. You.
This Here Flesh, by Cole Arthur Riley. I have been waiting for this book to come out, and I can't wait to read it, just got mine in the mail.
Finally,
“Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It's the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too. ”
― Frederick Buechner