Is it Wisdom? Is it Anxiety? Thoughts On Determining the Differenceš
Hello!Ā
Has January felt longgggg to you too?
If this is you, I feel it too. SAME.
But onto our topic this week...
A very common therapy question I hear aboutĀ making decisions is:
How do I know if thisĀ is anxiety or my intuition?
Iād first like to normalize how long it can take to make personal decisions, and how long it may take to know how you feel about a decision. We don't hear that enough.
Some resistance you may feel is wisdom.
Some resistance you may feel is anxiety.
It takes time to know the difference.
Sitting in āI donāt know yet,ā can be an important step to knowing what youāre feeling. (We usually rush past this.) We often think of "I don't know" with the fondness of going to the dentist, or like it is a failure not to know. I think "I don't know" can be one of the most important stops in a journey to a decision.
I made a video about it awhile back: Click Here.
The more we practice self awareness (what am I thinking/feeling/needing right now), and the more we gently practice taking. our. time. to know what we know, the more we can learn to tell the difference between resistance to a decision that is based in anxiety (that we may decide to push through, or carry along with us bravely), and resistance that is based in wisdom (this is not for me). Sometimes they can look the same at the very first moment, or be wrapped up in each other. Time helps us settle and untangle.
For example, not too long ago, it took me 7 days to know how I felt about a decision. I had to drop through the old layers of anxiety popping up (people pleasing, boundaries being too porous, fear of being misunderstood or disliked, etc) to know how I felt. The waiting was annoying to be totally honest, but the clarity at the end was worth it.
Wisdom often feels clear and grounding to me, anxiety often feels spinny and ungrounded. But sometimes when a decision is hard, or big, or layered, or potentially uncomfortable for you or others, it can take time for the wisdom to emerge through the anxiety.
What do you find helps you know the difference in a decision between resistance that is anxiety, and resistance that is wisdom? I find giving myself time, seeing if my familiar triggers are activated, bouncing it off of a safe person, and a good night's sleep (which I recognize anxiety can threaten) help. But mostly? TIME. If you have time - allow your whole self to work through the different layers and feelings.
(Final note: some decisions donāt allow for time of course, and time is a privilege thatās not always available.)
Recent Episodes:
Episode 96:Ā Mental Health Check-In - Becoming a Better Listener (To Yourself and Others)
This month we are talking about becoming a better listener - to ourselves and others. We are talking about listening to one on other in our relationships. How are we listening? Why are we not? And, how can we get better at it? This short episode will not be able to touch on each aspect of this topic, of course. But, hopefully it will help us look at what feels good in listening, and what doesn't - and why it is often hard to listen well. This topic will likely bring up for all of us times we have not felt listened to ourselves, and we will begin and end the episode with addressing this.
(Reminder: Mental Health Check-In episodes attempt to bring a therapeutic topic out of the therapy room and books and INTO our everyday lives)
ALSO: is there a topic you would like me to address in these? Email me back! I want to know!
Yes, add me to the list of fans of Encanto. It's a really lovely movie, and like all of my favorite kids movies, there are many beautiful layers of meanings for adults.
Also, I have been reading this book: How to Fight Racism- Young Readers Edition, by Jemar Tisby in a bookclub with 2 of my kids. First of all, a bookclub with your kids is really fun - we make the rules! (and they change often) And this book is a great one.
Finally, some insightful wisdom quotes:
āYesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.ā
āĀ Rumi
āTurn your wounds into wisdom.ā
āĀ Oprah Winfrey