Rx: Self-Compassion❤
Hi friends,
This week, here are some Therapy Thoughts on Self-Compassion:
As the pandemic rages on, I thought it might be helpful to revisit being kind to ourselves.
Even with all precautions (I know many of you can relate), two of my people have Covid (they’re fine), and I am tired. I know so many tired people this January. Maybe you are one of them? ❤️
It has been a long couple of years.
Dr. Kristin Neff writes about Self-Compassion, and it is one of the most grounding things I believe we can apply to our everyday lives. She describes self-compassion like this:
"Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?"
The 3 ingredients necessary (according to Neff, summarized by me) for self-compassion are:
1. Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment:
We are warm and understanding to ourselves when we suffer, fail or feel inadequate, instead of beating ourselves up internally. I personally think this is the most important part. Be gentle and kind with you; it will revolutionize your day.
2. Common humanity vs. Isolation:
Knowing you are not the only one...recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy are a part of all of our human experience. Have you ever exhaled when someone said to you, “yeah, me too.” Knowing you’re not the only one pokes holes in the narrative that you’re struggling because you are not enough, not good enough, or everyone else has it together…
3. Mindfulness vs. Over-identification:
The balance of naming how you feel with compassion, without stuffing it, or without being swept away by it. You are separate from your feelings - observe them and be kind to yourself about them.
These 3 ingredients applied could look like:
"I am not treating my people today in the way that I want to. I am having a hard time being as patient as I want to be today, and I am irritable. I notice that I am so tired. And I know I am not the only one struggling with this right now. Even though I want to do better, beating myself up about it will not help. I need some tenderness, some rest, and the understanding that I can start over at any moment, even now."
Cheering us all on today❤️.
I loved being on the HerStory Speaks Podcast with my dear friend Andrea Kingsley Miller.
You've seen me recommend her podcast before -
here is our episode together.
Recent Episodes:
Episode 95 - New Episode Genre - I am calling them "Therapeutic Moments." Maybe a little cheesy, I reserve the right to change the name..😂
Therapeutic Moments are a combination of some of the teaching of the Mental Health Check-Ins, the calming of the Meditative Stories and the Guided Mediations. In this short calming episode put to music we are addressing the New Year pressure from a completely different lens - starting from unpacking where some goals come from, and how starting from a place of knowing your own lovability is the place to start.
This episode is meant to be a place of calming, acceptance, and love. And knowing our worth the best place choose any New Year practice.
Listen Here!
My goal over the holidays was to read several books.
I didn't quite get there, but:
I finished The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person, by Frederick Joseph, and I am working my way through Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown. I can highly recommend both, but I was not aware Brené's book is more like an encyclopedia (which I love 🤓) then her previous books.
Finally, we can try saying things like this to ourselves,
“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
and
“Our successes and failures come and go—they neither define us nor do they determine our worthiness.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself