Exciting News ✨and Therapy Greatest Hits 💥
Are you a good news first kind of person?
I am probably not generally 😂, but today I am!
I am so excited to have just signed a contract with a literary agent!
This is the first step in the journey to getting the "big book" I have been working on published!
This is kind of how I feel.
And here is what I wanted to put together for this newsletter at the end of the year!
These are some therapy insights that are often helpful for clients.
I could add more, but then this email would be too long 😉, and I don't want to ruin anyone's holiday.
I call them (drum roll 🥁) Therapy Greatest Hits:
Validation -
Validation is one of the most underrated free tools at our disposal (insert salesman voice)! But seriously, validating yourself ("you make sense self," "it's ok to feel this way"), and validating each other ("I hear you," "I get that") will not fix our struggle, but it makes us feel seen. And feeling seen in whatever you are facing is both nurturing and calming. Try it out, even putting your hand on your heart and simply saying, "It's ok to feel this way."
Growth is Not Linear -
It's more like up and down - but going in the same direction forward. Our ups and downs, progress and steps back, are normal, not failure. And the more we embrace this truth, the more relaxed energy we have to keep curiously moving forward.
You're Not the Only One -
When we know we are not the only one struggling with something, or experiencing something, we are able to stop for a moment believing the additional narratives that have accompanied our struggle (narratives that sound like: "everyone else has it together except me," "it's all my fault," "something is wrong with me"). This doesn't fix our struggle, but it helps us to separate our experiences from our identity and worth. Knowing your not the only one helps separate your struggle from the shame stories you are believing about it.
Big Feelings are Not the Problem -
It is just our lack of knowledge about what to do with those big feelings that can create problems. Emotional regulation - knowing how to calm your system and make choices you don't regret - is one of the more important things we can learn at any age. It is a lack of emotional regulation (where we might detach, shut down, rage, shame) that damages relationships, NOT having big feelings.
Relational Repair, NOT Perfection -
Important relationships in our life do not require perfection in order to stay healthy snd connected. Instead, they require repair when we do (because we all will) mess up. Circling back, checking in, apologizing are all parts of repair. Research supports that secure attachment (emotionally safe and reasonably consistent relationships) is maintained by repairing, not perfection.
One of The Biggest Things Impacting Your Mental Health -
BOUNDARIES! (I wasn't going to make you guess, and I might be shouting.:) Boundaries change everything. Resentment is a hallmark sign of giving past your boundaries - but other possible expressions of this are chaos, exhaustion, overwhelm, confusion, anxiety, and depression. Now of course there are many causes for everything other than boundaries, but a good thing to always investigate if your are struggling with feeling overwhelmed is, "How are my boundaries? Where do I need to say NO?"
The Simplest Question -
"What do you need right now?" is a simple question we can ask ourselves, and one that I have seen bring surprising change. We often do not (or are taught it is selfish to) ask ourselves what we need. In that simple gesture, you not only lovingly affirm your own humanity and worth, you also check in with what you actually need. This may be a nap, a walk, a talk with someone, a glass of water, a boundary, or a good cry. When we are lovingly curious about what we need, we are more grounded, and can figure out little by little what our next right thing is.
Episode 94 - Conversation with Tasha Jun: Exploring Identity, Belonging, History in Faith is such a beautiful and powerful episode because of everything Tasha Jun shares.
The episode begins with Tasha reading her incredible poem "Yellow is a Protest."
I can't wait for you to hear this episode.
You may know that I love funny dog videos if you have been around here for a bit,
a current favorite...can you relate to this? 😂
Finally, one of my favorite quotes - this is a guide for how to live:
“I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou